But Wait The Babies Haven't Been Born

^ Who doesn't want to feel loved and accepted?? I think it is for this reason that we rush into relationships that we don't really need to be in. But as the acceptance feeling rises, the independent feeling drops...this is an individual choice everyone makes, I don't think I'm willing to give up my independence, no matter how good it feels to be loved.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Havelock Ellis

Today I reinforced the idea that your dignity should always come before anything else. Even if someone tells you that they like your honesty when you speak - it really does not mean that you should let them know EVERY thought that is going through your head. Refine. REFINE. (ugh why do I have to make these mistakes on people whose opinion I actually care about?!) I texted AND called person B too many times today for silly reasons and now I feel way too vulnerable. and unmysterious. For me, mystery is SO key - and yeah, yeah it's part of "the game" but I quite enjoy the game, and I don't suppose I'll stop playing it until I'm in graduate school.

Trying to be in super-school-mode. Seriously, it’s nice being busy. It’s nice working on myself. It’s nice reading blogs. It’s nice reading just to read. It’s nice making biology flash cards. It’s nice taking 19 units. It’s nice being selfish. I have my whole life (after marriage) to care about someone else, but right now is NOT that time.

Feelings change drastically and often. I think when it comes to relationship decisions (at this point in my life) the best thing to do is to NOT listen to my feelings and rather to listen to practicality. This letting go doesn’t mean that things are going to get boring - au contraire! I think it means that things will change, but most likely for the better - for the less generic route - the kind of change that will make me uncomfortable only to make me stronger. I'd like to find out if I can handle it. I want to “explode my comfort zone” (-Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk), I want to force myself to grow again.


addition to the list:
7. get second ear piercing. wear studs all the time.