Fiction Is Always Much More Charming Than Truth

Had an interesting conversation with a friend today - although, it pretty much followed suit with most of our conversations - the topic was what we would do in our life if we had no limitations or obligations to anything or anyone. Ideas were thrown out, but it was too chilly to put a lot of thought into, and naturally it's hard to think on your feet when you're concentrating on sensible positions to stay warm in. Nonetheless, when I got home I had a chance to mull it over in my head some more. What I came up with is as follows:

First off, I would NOT be a human bio major...I prefer anthropology or art or maybe even political science. The classes these majors have to take sound SO much more interesting and mind-expanding. I want to study the cultural patterns of thought, action, and expression and I would love to experience using autobiography, dream, confession, fantasy, or other means to invent myself in a new way. I mean yeah, cool, science...but that’s a whole different train of thought and I associate it with unsocial and awkward (and financially sound). Sure there are a lot of doctors and dentists I can think of who are super charming, but in the long run when it comes to one’s paradigm and manner of speaking, I’d rather have that of an Anthro/Art major.

I would spend LOTS of my time on the couches at Barnes & Noble with tea in hand and my own reserved seat, and a huge, inexhaustible stack of books in front of me. That is luxury in my eyes.

I would travel from country to country and spend my afternoons holding classes for the general public aimed at bettering the image of women and empowering womankind and informing them of their rights (and thus sprouting more of a sense of selfworth). I would have a separate, more personal, class with the young girls and try to help them find inspiration in things that are not boyscelebritiesmediaimageboysboyboys. I would sit them down and tell their tween and teen selves that a having a boyfriend does not equal self-worth and that a lot of time is wasted on this thing called “love” whereas it does not/should not exist or be of their concern at this age. My less busy afternoons would be spent running a few miles on each country’s soil, stopping to converse with anyone I run into and fancy a chat with. This way, my blood would be exceedingly rich and diverse--having breathed in the oxygen of the world, as would my intellect.

I would be a YouTube celebrity due to my ukulele skills (which would match those of Adrian Guerrero), my song writing skills (currently non-existent), and my stop-motion animation skills (also non-existent).

For a few weeks, I would move to Italy, take on a false persona (under the name Franchesca), curl my hair everyday and wear nothing but sundresses. Important to note: I would have been born with the ability to not getting too attached to any one thing (especially anything that has to do with the opposite sex - be it attention or sweet words). I would proceed to have countless Italian lovers with whom I would frolic--for lack of a better verb--around all of Europe with. Maybe blog about it.

I would be gifted with the spunk of Suheir Hammad, the creativity and eloquence of Sarah Kay, the conviction of Sofia Baig, and the wit of Jon Stewart. And with this I would spend two nights a week at open mics and play my uke or sing or perform spoken word poetry. I would constantly be writing lyrics or poetry in my mind. I would be part of the open mic community in my town and when any of us ran into one another outside of the venue, we would exchange head nods that said much more than words could, but only because we knew that if we opened up our mouths we’d lose our train of thought and never complete the last line to the piece we were working on in our respective heads. and that would be that.

two last ideas I'm not sure how to elaborate on:
As I grew older, I would never become jaded. My zeal for life and everything on this planet would remain intact and in full speed.

I would be able to speak Arabic perfectly as well as French and Spanish and I would have the ability to memorize things easily in these languages.

He Sings The Songs That Remind Him of the Better Times

I'm a huge ukulele enthusiast and as a result I have become a part of the ukulele community on YouTube...there's more than a few gems in this community and I will periodically shower you with their prowess.
Julia Nunes makes me exceptionally happy.
This is my current fav on YouTube:

"The mile has all the elements of drama."

Ran a 12.10 two-mile today. It’s been about two years since I’ve been able to do that...what a feeling. You can imagine how it feels to finally accomplish the goal you’ve been working up to all Summer. Thank goodness, because I only have five more days of summer (controlling myself from adding a 500 days of summer comment here...heh). Anyways, walking out of the gym I felt really good about myself, I could tell because I always unconsciously add a slight bounce to my step so my ponytail will swish back and forth in a certain manner when I am feeling at my prime.

By the time I sat down in my car, the post-run mindset kicked in and I began to place metaphors from my time on the track nicely into my time on the...Earth(?) Btw, if you've never experienced a runner's high, I recommend you lace up your joggers right now and get to running. Why take the advice of a stranger? Even Nike thinks it's a good idea (har har):


Anyways, back to the original thought; my high school cross country coach used to always tell me that I wasn’t pushing as hard as I could during races and my 5k time was usually about a minute over what it was today on the treadmill...which proves his point (gahh for never running intensely on treadmills till after highschoool and consequently not realizing my potential!) but honestly during those races I really gave it my all...or so I thought.

Which makes me think that perhaps right now in life I could be doing WAYY more. I mean I don’t even feel like I’m giving my all, but imagine if I did? or at least tried? My potential would shoot up like the amount of times they play Taylor Swift on the radio post-VMAs. Mediocrity sucks. but for so long I’ve been living the Le Tigre lifestyle ("mediocrity rules")...yabadaba doo man. GOAL time:

1. make full use of the running club I am now the head of...def have a photo running day like zooey dechanel’s from Yes Man.
2. go to AS Concert General Body Meetings and give my input on what bands I want to see and help make it happen
3. sit at the front of all my classes AND talk to professors during their office hours.
4. Find a research job.
5. be more THERE while I shadow Dr. Eshom.
6. get work done at the library...and THEN some.
7. pilates err(other)day
8. find one place to write to-do lists as opposed to writing them on any and every available scrap of paper.

Okay, looks like a good place to stop.

x

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

So it took me forever to figure out how to start out my first post...and I still am not really sure, but either way it is definitely time. I'm going into my second year of college and I had no idea that it was possible for one to grow so much in a year...but the again I guess that's how all first years are.

Even though there was a lot of growing and trying of new things (i.e. friends, lifestyles, classes, mindsets) it all came very quickly and I got wound up in it. I sort of let go of a lot of things that made me who I was; the things I enjoyed and it made me very restless. However, now that Summer's rolled around, I've been able to wind down and reflect. The first conclusion that I came to for this disquiet was the lack of writing in my life...from fifth grade I always had something that I wrote my thoughts on - usually just streams-of-conciousness on scraps of papers in my backpack, that would never be found again- nonetheless it helped me organize my thoughts. So I decided to start this blog as a venue to rekindle the connection with the Vanessa that spent hours on the computer sitting in awe and soaking in everything she could from the Def Poetry Jam Poets, the Vanessa that would wake up at 6 a.m. to go to Pilates because she nothing else compared to the feeling of control it gave her, the Vanessa that would go out and run five miles when she felt happy/confused/angry/anything, the Vanessa that chose spending time in a bookstore over anything else.

As Anais Nin very eloquently put, "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." So what I'm getting at is, I like the music enthusiast, free-love supporting, struggling to get closer to my religion that college has brought out in me, but at the same time, it would be a shame to let go of my past loves for no good reason.

I admire eloquence over anything else and what better way to attain this quality than by writing? So join me and perhaps we can find new loves together.

Oh and the "Woman in the Mirror" thing? Based off of my boy MJ's song : ) time for a change.